Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Someone came in the potted fern
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
