i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
