I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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