who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
