she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
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Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
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I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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