Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
