Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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