i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
