is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
