Jerry, you need to find god
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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