Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Randomize
