she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
