the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
