he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
