At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
