Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
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Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
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She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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