Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
