I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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