you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
