Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
