He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
