I puked a lego.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
