I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
