Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
