farters have to be the big spoon...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
