Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
