I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
