I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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