can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
