remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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