3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
