I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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