you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The best revenge is premature balding
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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