I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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