Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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