Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
