Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
