I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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