We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
