I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
