I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
birth control should be required to get into college
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
