I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
