Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
