I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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