my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
