i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
