You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
