can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
