I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
two words...techno handjob
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize