She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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