How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
