Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
