elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
