I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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