Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
