saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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