Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
