I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
this is an emotional support booty call
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
