I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
