Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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