i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
