I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
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Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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