just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Randomize
