Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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