dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
