Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
