Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She bit a glass in half.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
