Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
