I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
