i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
