Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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