I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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