Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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