Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
