using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
