worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
