he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
