I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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