Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
In other news, I just burned my penis
Of course I have a pirate flag
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
