you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
