Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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