pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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