so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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